Before You Pull It Down

Chapter IThe first reaction

It is easy to hate a fence.

You arrive. Something is in the way. You do not know the story.

Picture a narrow path across an empty field. In the middle sits an old fence. It is not pretty. It slows you down. There is no cow, no sign, and nobody around to explain it. Your first thought is not philosophical. It is: who put this stupid thing here?

That reaction is normal. A rule feels most irritating when it interrupts you and gives you no reason. A locked gate. A parent asking you to message when you get home. A slow approval process at work. A friend who has suddenly become distant.

From the outside, all of them can look like somebody making life harder for no reason at all.

Chapter IIThe meaning

The fence is rarely just wood.

In this sentence, a fence is anything built to stop a bad thing from happening.

It can be a rule, a habit, a law, a tradition, a safety step, or a boundary between two people. It can be the seat belt rule in a car. It can be a password rule at work. It can be the decision not to lend money to someone who never returns it.

The point is not that every rule is good. The point is that an old rule may be carrying information that you do not have yet. Someone may have built it after an accident, a betrayal, a stupid mistake, or a painful lesson.

Before calling it useless, find out what it was protecting people from.

Chapter IIIThe hidden well

An empty field is not always safe.

Sometimes the reason disappears before the rule does.

Imagine that the fence was put up because there used to be a deep well just beyond it. Years ago, a child fell in one rainy evening. After that, the adults built the fence. It was not there to be dramatic. It was there because they had learned something the hard way.

Then time passes. The child grows up. The people who remember the accident move away or die. Grass covers the well. A new person walks through the field and sees only an ugly obstacle.

To that person, the fence looks foolish. To the people who built it, the fence was common sense.

That is the trap. When memory disappears before the rule does, the rule starts looking stupid.

Chapter IVThe quiet success

A working rule can hide its own value.

The better a fence works, the less people remember why they needed one.

A railing on a mountain path does not get thanked every time a person does not fall. A medicine cabinet lock does not get praised every day a child does not take the wrong pills. A seat belt feels unnecessary right up until the second it is not.

This is why prevention is so easy to mock. When nothing bad happens, the rule can look like the problem. People forget that the quiet may be the result of the rule doing its job.

It is like saying an umbrella was useless because you reached home dry. You reached home dry because you had the umbrella.

Chapter VA school rule

The phone ban that looks outdated.

The rule may be clumsy. Its reason may still be real.

Suppose a school bans phones in class. Students hate it. They can use a phone to check a bus time, speak to family, look something up, or simply deal with a boring ten minutes. From their side, the ban feels old fashioned and controlling.

Then someone tells you how it started. Students had been cheating in tests. Fights were being filmed. People were staying awake until three in the morning and arriving at school exhausted. Private photos were being shared without permission.

Now the job of the fence is clearer. The rule was not created because someone hated phones. It was created to protect focus, privacy, sleep, and a basic sense of safety in class.

That does not mean the same ban must stay forever. A better rule might allow phones for learning and keep them away during tests and private moments.

Chapter VIThe message home

Some fences are made of worry.

A small rule can feel completely different once you know what sits behind it.

At twenty five, “text me when you reach home” can feel like a tiny police station in your pocket. You may think: I am an adult. Relax. I do not need to report every move I make.

But sometimes that message began after one frightening night. A late bus. Heavy rain. A phone battery dying. Hours passing with no answer. A family sitting awake because they did not know whether someone was safe.

The same sentence now has a different meaning. It may still be annoying, but it is no longer random. It comes from fear, not from a love of control.

Care and control are not the same thing. A healthy rule can be discussed and adjusted. But you cannot have an honest discussion until you understand what fear created it.

Chapter VIIThe distance between people

Not every fence is about safety.

Some fences are built to protect dignity and peace.

Imagine someone who used to tell a friend everything. Their relationship. Their money worries. Their family problems. Then they stop. They answer politely, but they keep the personal parts of life to themselves.

From the outside, it can look cold. People may say, “Why are you acting strange? Just trust them.” But that friend may have repeated private things, laughed at their pain, or used a secret during an argument. The distance did not come from nowhere.

People are quick to tell others to tear down emotional fences. They are slower to ask what broke the trust in the first place.

A boundary should be clear, not cruel. But not every boundary is anger. Sometimes it is self respect with a quieter voice.

Chapter VIIIThe riverbank

Old rules can remember danger.

People may forget the flood while the rule keeps standing there.

A town has land beside a river. It looks empty, flat, and perfect for new houses. Younger people want to build there. Older residents say no. They remember floodwater entering homes, carrying furniture down the street, and turning familiar roads into a brown river.

To the people who never saw that flood, the old restriction can sound like superstition. To the people who lived through it, it is memory turned into a rule.

Not every old person gets every rule right. Age does not make a person automatically wise. But a rule should be investigated before it is mocked. Sometimes history is hiding inside the inconvenience.

Chapter IXThe fence you built

Your earlier self made rules too.

Before breaking one, listen to the version of you who built it.

Maybe you once deleted shopping apps because you could not control small purchases. Maybe you stopped lending money because you were left short when a bill arrived. Maybe you decided not to call a certain person after midnight because every late conversation ended with regret.

Months later, the rule can feel dramatic. You may think you were overreacting. You may want to remove it just to feel free again.

Pause for a second. The earlier version of you had information that the current version may be ignoring. They knew what happened after the impulse, the guilt, the empty account, or the bad decision.

Your past self can be wrong. But before you dismiss them, give them a hearing. They may have built that small fence to save you from a mess they already cleaned up once.

Chapter XThe balance

This does not mean keep every fence.

Some rules become unfair, useless, or harmful. They deserve to be changed or removed.

This idea is not asking you to worship old rules. A fence can protect power instead of people. It can punish the wrong person. It can solve a problem that no longer exists. It can turn from protection into a cage.

Keeping every old fence forever is not wisdom. It is laziness wearing old clothes. Destroying every old fence is not wisdom either. It is confidence without homework.

Both reactions are easy because neither one asks questions. Real thinking takes a little longer. You learn what the rule was for, check whether that problem still exists, and then decide what should happen next.

Chapter XIFive honest questions

Before you pull it down, ask this.

These questions slow down a bad decision without stopping a good change.

1. What problem was this meant to stop?

Do not begin with the fence. Begin with the danger it was built against.

2. What happened before the rule was made?

Look for the accident, the betrayal, the mess, or the fear that gave the rule its shape.

3. Does that problem still exist today?

A rule can outlive the world that created it. That matters.

4. What does this rule cost people now?

Safety matters. So do freedom, fairness, dignity, time, and trust.

5. If we remove it, what will do its job instead?

The best replacement does not forget the old danger. It handles it in a better way.

Chapter XIIA better fence

Keep the job. Change the shape.

Understanding the reason gives you permission to improve the rule instead of blindly copying it.

A school does not have to choose between a total phone ban and chaos. It can allow phones for learning while keeping them away during exams and private moments.

A parent does not need a live location all night to know you are safe. A simple message when you reach home can do the real job without making you feel watched.

A company does not need two signatures for every tiny payment. It can keep extra checks for larger amounts, where one rushed mistake can do real damage.

That is the grown up move. Do not destroy the guardrail because its paint is ugly. Find out what the guardrail is protecting, then build a better one.

Closing thoughtSlow down at the fence

The most useful pause is often the one that happens before you call something pointless.

Many bad decisions begin with one sentence: “This makes no sense.” Sometimes it truly does not. Maybe the rule is rotten. Maybe the danger is gone. Maybe somebody built the fence to control others instead of protecting them.

But sometimes the rule makes perfect sense after you hear the missing part of the story. The accident. The flood. The secret that was shared. The money that disappeared. The person who never came home on time.

When a rule annoys you, pause long enough to find that missing page. You may still decide the fence needs to go. Just make that decision with your eyes open.

Author’s noteWhy I wrote this

A few words from Lovepreet Singh.

I am Lovepreet Singh, and I wrote this piece for anyone who has ever looked at an old rule and thought, “What is the point of this?”

At misterlove.in, I write long form work about history, society, religion, public policy and technology. The subjects change, but I keep coming back to the same habit: start with the real question before rushing toward an answer.

I kept this essay simple on purpose. I did not want it to feel like a lecture or a page of heavy words. A fence can be a rule, a boundary, a habit, or a system that feels outdated. Before tearing one down, I think it is worth asking what pain, mistake, or danger made somebody build it in the first place.

That question does not mean every old rule deserves to survive. It just means we should understand the story before we decide we are done with it.